Gay Porn DVD: Lord of Milking

There are two things that get me to turn off Everybody Loves Raymond I Love New York Frontline and turn on gay porn: newly trendy sexual acts and old-fashioned perversion. In their latest release, Lord of Milking, Oh Man! hits a double header — how could I not pop it (in)? Sure, it’s a little weird that one of the stars of this European flesh fest is merely named “darkskin,” but what do you expect when the plot involves a creepy manor dungeon, stranded hitchhikers and several chalices for, um, supping. Guess who’s coming for dinner?Of course, anytime we’re confronted with such degeneracy, my mind is forced to come up with equivalencies — just to get through the video. How else am I supposed to make sense of a ghost named Feti Chist?

Gay porn or Fleetwood Mac video?

Gay porn or Saw 4: Castro Toilets?

Gay porn or New Yorker cartoon awaiting caption?

Weird and foreign, sure, but what do you expect from the studio that brought us perverse hits like Legionnaires, French Farmers and Behind the Secret Door?

Also, I should note that despite the provocative title that despite a few instances of fingerbanging, there doesn’t seem to be much of the seminal-discharge-through-prostate-massage form of milking, though heavy cream makes a few appearances…

— Mike