ATTN: Men.com: Fish Belong in a Bowl – Not Gay Porn

Posted February 24, 2016 3:38 AM by Harlan with 1 comment

We want master piece theater — not “Masterpiece Theatre.” Are you listening Men.com?

Letterbox format, the suits for a Men at Play riff, two hot men from across the pond we don’t see often, and a matching European locale. This had plenty going for it as is. Then the premise that will not die killed another scene. It’s Matt Anders and Jay Roberts in “Stealth Fuckers Part 9.”

Jay Roberts is tall, handsome and hung. Matthew Anders is a blonde with cornflower blue eyes and a delicious ass. But an uninvited guest crashed the work day sex party. That would be Suzy Floozy on the far right. The idea behind the Stealth Fuckers franchise is hooking up under the nose of roommates or boyfriends but more often than not, wives, girlfriends, daughters, or today, the office hoe. Men.com, while the thrill of getting caught can be sexy, cheating is not. Ditto for chessy.

I’m not a misogynist but feel women belong behind the camera in a finished gay porn product. A touch of comedy and farce is welcome. But don’t mix when it’s time to fuck. We’re not here for a Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn screw ball comedy. We’re here for the screwing.

Case in point. There’s a reason you are looking at a blowjob gif here and not fucking. For the sake of the premise, the positions were limited, the duration abbreviated, penetration shots were largely absent, and Jay Robert’s big dick shooting its load is omitted altogether. A cum shot is not what you leave on the cutting room floor, Men.com. Master piece theater — not “Masterpiece Theatre,” get it?