The Year in Gay Porn: 2004
1. Best Cum Shot: Lust In Translation, El Dorado Entertaintment
I had heard rumors about the cum shot in Alex Lechero’s (get it?) solo scene from the editors of Fleshbot months ago. Now that I’ve finally seen it, well, um, yeah. Sort of insane. Like imagine turning on a water fountain for like five seconds and only milk (or should I say leche?) came out? Although the director credited is David del Dorado, the postmodern use of the mirror in the scene reminds me of a certain other director’s work, but I won’t pry. Even more glorious screenshots over at Fleshbot.
2. Best Box Cover: Drill Bill Volume 1, All Worlds Video
Whereas the movie itself is less-than-perfect (directed by Dirk Yates, it features many elements of his trademark style — or lack thereof,) but it deserves some accolades for executing not just a satirical name, but a fully articulated box cover, too (the similarities to “Kill Bill” end there). Covermodel Bill Ray looks and acts like he just got back from a “Real World/Road Rules Challenge” (hot!).
3. Best Press Kit: Horse: Fallen Angel 5, TitanMedia
It contained a vat of lube, condoms, an energy drink, a leather-scented candle (that really smells like leather!), and a “feedbag” filled with candy, (to give us reviewers enough energy to watch the 8-plus hours of content on the five-disc set.) Nothing like watching the god-like, zero-muscle-fat men of Titan to make you scarf down a bunch of carbs.
4. Best raunchy twink video: Juvie Boys, Lucas International
If Mike can be ebullient about twink porn, I’m feeling the need to share about Juvie Boys, from Michael Lucas’ new international line, which features some Czech boys getting really raunchy. I would watch more twink videos if they had them pissing on each other and ravaging themselves with dildos.
5. Best Nutsack Ever: Barret Long
“Pendulous”, “low hangers”, “worthy of a scrotum tuck“, call them what you want, but — aside from being attached to one of the most terrific cocks working today — they’re remarkably remarkable.
6. Best Comeback: Dean Phoenix (duh!)
He piqued everyone’s attention by coming out of a four-year “retirement” to star in Buckelroos., and awed us all by finally bottoming for Marcus Iron. While his touching performance was worth the wait, a question remains: Was it a one-time-event, or is he back for good? Only time will tell, I guess.
7. Strangest Press Release: Eight Inches (Parts 1 and 2), MarcoStudio
It has the typical porn press release stuff — scene breakdown, credits, DVD extras, and then, on the last page, a table that has lists out each sex scene, each actor, and then … each actor’s real name. Uh, OK.
8. Best Use of a Powertool: Toolbox Trilogy: Drilled, Raging Stallion
A drill, with a pretty fucking big butt plug attached to the bit, is stuffed into Simon Cox’s ass — and turned on full speed ahead. Cox’s ass lips start flappin’ in the wind like a bulldog sicking his face out of a car window, as the massive latex slab whirls faster than Rudy Galindo doing a double-axle on crack. Even I had to scoop my undroppable jaw up off the ground.