Posted March 12, 2013 8:49 AM by with 14 comments

I only met Wilfried a few times, but he wasn’t an ordinary porn star. A few years back, I had dinner with Wilfried Knight at a private home, and he talked about things you don’t often hear at a business dinner in the porn industry: European vs US law, holistic health, the injustice of immigration policy. While he had concerns about what was going on in the business, he seemed to be someone who had successfully integrated his life (school, business) with what he regarded as a good-paying hobby (porn). He’s one of the last people I thought I’d have toRIP here.

What concerned him most, however, was injustice for gay people, particularly inheritance rights. And ultimately, that’s what killed him.

(photo: Pierre et Gilles, 2009)

What’s clear is this: Wilfried wasn’t conflicted about his porn past, he was outraged about the anti-gay sentiment he found after the suicide of his partner Jerry (“my partner left clear signs he wanted me to die with him, to follow him, therefore had no will after our nine years relationship.”) After his partner’s death, he lost the house in Portland, was rejected by his partner’s family, and worried over visa issues. Wilfried spent his last few updates railing against he partner’s company (Lululemon) and family. The only thing that bothered him about porn was other people’s reactions to it.

“A “porn star” only happens to live and expose it in public. It hits each and everyone of us, even the ones who pretend to be humble, or for example even the ones that pretend they only work out for their health. We all want to look good, to be noticed. Even this shy french boy named Wilfried born now 28….ok, fine, 38 years ago. I was truly ordinary, probably still am in my own way. I took the right assumed path that made my parents proud: excelled and achieved at school, did learn to be good to another, but thankfully escaped the religious BS that sometimes comes with such a respectable upbringing, meaning: I was not bred to be a hypocrite. Something always had been burning inside of me: I always knew there was more to life than just fitting in.

Thriving to be rightful slowed me down, then after a bad relationship and a nasty brush with cancer, I realized there was only one life ahead of me. Why wait? I loved sex, I loved men, so if I had to be promiscuous, why not be paid for it??! And here I am, almost 10 years, several awards down the line, I am still going strong and loving every minute of it. A very lucky man, I have worked with all the best performers and companies, and i do not see myself as finished just yet. It is only my fourth retirement tour, I have few more to go don’t it? And when it is all over, well, two degrees I completed during my career will prevent me from a painful fall back down to reality.”

As was always his concern, Knight was upset over the injustice with gay marriage laws. He spent his last days fighting that injustice. Let’s hope that his fight wasn’t in vain by hand-wringing over aging porn stars.

(photo by Joe Oppedisano)

Mike

Related:
Wilfried Knight (1974-2013)

Tags: ,

14 responses to WILFRIED KNIGHT: ‘I AM JUST AS GOOD, IF NOT BETTER THAN YOU.”

  1. Hector March 12th, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    It angers me that our society still treats gay men this way, but it angers me just as much that his husband left him this way, without a will or other preparations. What a selfish way to go, and while I feel awful saying that, I hope that it isn’t just rage against the system that emerges from this, because the system certainly deserves that rage, but maybe we can all learn to legally protect ourselves and those we love since the system won’t.

    I have nothing, so my next of kin can do as they please with what I have, but if between now and the day I die I find someone to love that way, I certainly want to take whatever steps are necessary to make sure we are both protected in case of a tragedy.

    Reply

    • fox.cushion March 13th, 2013 at 8:13 AM

      it is often that people who commit suicide or think about doing it are too deep in their own pain than to think about others. been there myself, but thankfully never committed it. I think someone who wants to commit suicide is not being himself. it is the most severe symptom of clinical depressions or other mental conditions. due to those conditions their mind is clouded and they see the world, and especially their lives and themselfs like through very dark sunglasses. it is a neurotic, almost psychotic state. and suicide is also always an act of desperation.

      during that state they don’t think much about anybody else but themself. two years ago I sort of went through a year of hell, some bad things happened to me and it was more than I could take. I wanted to die, the pain was greater than me, and that pain dazed and clouded me and my thoughts. two times I was close to do it, but I decided against it. instead I sort of wanted to shorten my life and tried to get hiv or hepatitis c and planned/thought I wouldn’t cure it… thoughts of a desperate, nearly insane man in pain. thankfully I never got infected with anything.

      but after some months I slightly felt better and with feeling better I realized what incredible, undescribable pain would I have caused to my dear ones. their pain would have been bigger than the one I was trying to escape. they would have suffered from that pain for the rest of their lives.

      but thank God I am still here and two years later the pain lessened and I became stronger than the trauma that caused it.

      many people die of suicide each year, I believe more than of car accidents. it was sad to see young gays killing themself because of depressions caused by bullying. and it is now sad too to see porn stars killing themself, almost one after another. :( something must be going pretty wrong. they should get counseling and there should be a campaign to encourage them to go to counseling if they feel overwhelmed with issues.

      something should be done to prevent that from happening again. every single human being is precious. with help they would have overcome their issues after some time, like I did. and I am most thankful that I did, they would have felt the same way.

      Reply

    • emma March 13th, 2013 at 1:38 PM

      This truly is No Country for Gay Men.

      Reply

    • James March 15th, 2013 at 6:25 AM

      “It angers me that our society still treats gay men this way….”

      Society treats lesbians and trans folk the same way.

      Reply

  2. carl March 12th, 2013 at 4:43 PM

    as great as he was, can we address the elephant in the room. doing porn, is not a consequence- free expression of self. it has deep psychological implications and bespeaks a cracked and likely troubled sense of self, even if it comes across as highly functioning and personable. and if we were watching porn because we love the aesthetics of men, we could just as easily be academic painters. but the key words that make porn hot are ‘sleazy’ and ‘dirty’, two defining characteristics that are proof we dont want to regard these sex workers as civilians, but fallen men so wreckless they’re willing to perform public displays of deeply intimate acts. it would be harmless role playing if it were private, but its mass distribution and a form of gay minstralism that puts at the forefront of every gay man’s (and gay teen’s) mind that this is unapologetically as good as gay gets. so, all you empty fellows with sexual compulsion problems , keep in step with your third world sex worker brethren, work out, and let me watch. the harder you fall, the better. here’s some booze and drugs. oh and kids. it gets way better/ sleazier/ hotter. join now.

    Reply

  3. Jerrspero March 12th, 2013 at 7:12 PM

    Isn’t it awful that his partner actually got what he wanted? I’m sorry such a gifted man decided to end his life, but millions deal with the exact same thing and keep going. Please, PLEASE, it is NEVER worth killing yourself over anything that isn’t a terminal and very painful disease. When I think of the people who have been helped by porn and pornstars, directly and indirectly) I’m saddened that the people who make it don’t reach out for help. And it’s not the sleazy part of porn that attracts me: it’s just hot!

    Reply

  4. James March 13th, 2013 at 2:55 AM

    I feel bad for him, and I know EXACTLY what he is talking about with the injustice of gay marriage laws in the States, because I’m too living the same thing right now. Its sad that his boyfriend killed himself when 2013 is supposed to be such a great year for gay people, and its even sadder that his partner’s family treated him the way they did. If only Wilfried could have stayed strong. RIP anyway.

    Reply

  5. Luke March 13th, 2013 at 5:33 AM

    He wrote those words? Lots of arrogance between the lines. All these porn star deaths have one thing in common. Insecure people should not do porn, no matter how hot they are. When they die, everyone points to blogs or something bad was written about them. What a phony excuse. If you dont want to be looked at or judged by a sexual performance you chose to have on camera, then PLEASE DO NOT DO PORN. Lots of insecure people look to porn as a way to get attention and make them feel better. But years later, that high comes crashing down.
    There will be lots more to come….. Very sad!

    Reply

  6. markus March 13th, 2013 at 7:05 AM

    It saddens me that both Jerry and Wilf felt that the only solution to their many personal issues was to kill themselves (Jerry by hanging himself and Wilf with pills). What makes this senseless story even more tragic was that a day prior to Wilf killing himself, he had his dog put down. I’d like to go after the vet or British Columbia SPCA for destroying a healthy and very happy dog because the owner was depressed and didnt want him anymore.

    Reply

  7. Jon March 13th, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    I HOOKED-UP WITH WILFRIED IN LONDON 7 OR 8 YEARS AGO. I’LL NEVER FORGET, IT WAS A RAINY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON AT MY HOTEL ON LEISTER SQUARE. IT WAS A TERRIFIC EXPERIENCE. WILFRIED COULD HOLD AN INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION AND SEEMED REALLY COMFORTABLE IN HIS OWN SKIN. ONE OF THE TOP TEN SEX HOOK-UPS IN MY LIFE, FOR SURE. A BEAUTIFUL MAN….BOTH ON THE OUTSIDE AND ON THE INSIDE. HE REALLY ENJOYED WHAT HE DID AND YOU COULD TELL HE REALLY ENJOYED LIFE IN GENERAL. THIS SPATE OF PORN STAR DEATHS AND SUICIDES IS REALLY DISTRESSING.

    Reply

  8. Mark F. March 13th, 2013 at 2:31 PM

    It’s very sad. I weep for both men.

    Reply

  9. Marc March 13th, 2013 at 7:34 PM

    I am glad I am not the only one who doesn’t buy Mike’s sweeping statement that he didn’t have a problem with the his porn career. If anything, Knight sounds more like he is trying to justify it to people who did have a problem with it. I am also not trying to indict the gay porn industry; they aren’t any more directly involved with his death than the music industry would be for the death of a rock star. But considering the large number of tragic losses of stars I have read on this site in recent years, it might behoove the industry to better prepare the people who become their stars on the implications of what happens when they aren’t the next big thing anymore.
    I also don’t understand how you say inheritance rights killed him. His boyfriend could have written a will leaving him anything; the fact they weren’t married is irrelevant. People leave stuff to strangers and even pets – and it is perfectly legal. Instead, his boyfriend set him up to join him. Am I the only one who was deeply disturbed by that? Why would your loving BF of nine years offer you suicide as the only way out?

    Reply

    • frank April 29th, 2013 at 6:08 PM

      Well – said.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Add a picture



NEED TO UNSUBSCRIBE? | ABOUT US | EMAIL US