Extreme Assplay: Plain Wrapped Gay Porn

Kiss, Suck, Rim, Fuck, Shoot. Gay porn can get a bit formulaic. That's when you call Hot House. Or, more particluarly their aptly titled Plain Wrapped line of fisticuffs and fellation. You wouldn't want your mailman seeing these.

What can't director Steven Scarborough's assemblage of muscle-studs cram up their back ends? I've been lending a hand at Hot House recently, and it's given me a chance to go through Scarborough's intensive program of cheek-spreading and prostate-kneeding. Not to mention long-term storage.

Fists of fury? For human turducken Johnny Rider, if it ain't bigger than a fist, he won't even blink let alone wince. If it's bigger than a breadbox, it a good chance he's got already got one up there. It's like he's got a multilevel parking garage in his colon. But he's not the only one. It's funny to watch the cartoonish procession of dildoes that these kids can take. Bravo, chums. You're better men than I.

My favorite so far is a scene in the provocatively-titled Batter Up! where Abercrombie-and-Fitch stud Steve Harper helps a jock-strapped Brad Dodger fit number of softball-sized toys and, eventually, a stainless steel bat up his ass. And both of them are just eatin' the shit up. It's long, laborious but very, very sexy. Oh, there's also a cum shot in a catcher's mitt, which has gotta be worth something.

The boys -- er, men -- at Hot House are hot and horny ass pigs. it also reminds me that there are REALLY HUGE DILDOES out there. Jack and I used to be obsessed with this one in the Castro in the shape of a baby, but it's gone now. I don't know if anyone ever got it up in them, but evidently it's now considered a work of art or something.

-- Mike