"Not So" Blind Items

My favorite column in San Francisco's gay rag, the Bay Area Reporter, is always "Out There", the local gossip column. This week they dropped some hints about the upcoming Pride season.

Strange Blind Items
Nothing official and it's too early to say anything to the press, but word on the street is that SF Pride '04 is getting ready to name as Grand Marshalls none other than that queer quintet from that show with the title that sounds like "Beer Sigh for the Bait Pies".

But the really juicy part of the advance buzz is that Papa Pride may be close to clinching the deal on booking that Australian pop diva with the rabid international gay cult. She's also said to be the subject of that groovy SF poet-playwright-novelist's new book.

I wish Michael Musto's Blind Items were this easy to solve!

As for Kylie Minogue, I've heard the name over and over as a gay icon, the Madonna of Australia, but for some reason, she has just been off my radar. I don't know any of her music, and I wouldn't recognize her face in a lineup. I guess I am just an old fart. I'm not hip to rap artists like 37 Cents or that Snoopy Dog Dog either.

And about the Queer Eye guys, I can't wait for them to come to town. I can predict exactly where they will be spotted around town: early evening cocktails at Pilsner, dinner at Mecca, quickie drinkie at Bar On Castro, heavy promoted $27.50-and-wait-in-line appearance at Metropolis, afterhours at the End Up. Slam dunk predictions, check the gossip columns July 1st.

Carson and Jai will be belle of the ball, holding court everywhere they go. Kyan will walk in anywhere and quietly hook up the hottest model/porn star within 30 seconds. Thom is the sensible one keeping everyone in line, but poor Ted will be frustrated and end up at the backroom of the Powerhouse on the last night of the trip.

If I do run into them, I know exactly what would happen, too. I'd walk up to Kyan first, try to introduce myself and immediately turn into a stammering toadstool. He'd half-smile, shake my hand then turn back to the Greek god that HE's trying to pick up. Then I'd smack Carson around a few times, roll him over and fuck him hard (he'll LOVE it.)

Who is your favorite Beatle - I mean Queer Eye Guy? What would you do if you met him? What would you do if you met Kylie? And who is "that groovy SF poet-playwright-novelist" writing a book about Kylie?