Porn Star Pool Party

This Friday I'm heading to Palm Springs to attend Will Clark's Bad Boys Pool Party. It's a charity event for L.A. Shanti where porn fans get to meet their favorite XXX stars. I will be shooting video and stills for use on NakedSword, but I'll certainly share some here at GPB.

Scheduled to appear are: Ceasar, Chad Donovan, Chase Hunter, Chris Steele, Dino Phillips, Doug Jefferies, Peter Dixon, Michael Brandon, Kevin Kramer, Jason Branch, Jack Simmons, Eric Evans, Zak Spears, Andy Hunter, Antonio Madiera, Danny Lopez, Jason Tyler, Riley Porter, Matt Summers, Matt Sizemore, Kyle Kennedy, Sam Tyson, Jerek, Tom Southern, Robert Black, Bryce Pierce, with hosts Momma and Filth 2 Go's Billy Masters.

Whew. What a line-up! I've been to several of these events, and they are the highlights of my year. If any of you reading this are anywhere near Southern California this weekend, there's plenty going on all weekend (plus Palm Springs has the BEST thrift stores!) Read on for a minute by minute schedule.

BAD BOYS POOL PARTY WEEKEND IN PALM SPRINGS:

Thursday, May 1st: 9pm TWISTERS (located at 67-555 Hwy. 111 104A in Cathedral City) Join WILL CLARK and TOM SOUTHERN with JAKE GIANELLI

Friday, May 2nd: 4pm to 7pm AMBIENTE INN (located in Cathedral City on Palo Verde) A "Wienie Roast" hosted by TOM SOUTHERN with CAESAR, ANTONIO  MADIERA, and CHAD DONOVAN as well as newcomer CLINT TAYLOR. Check out their website http://www.ambienteinn.com for a map and further information. 

Friday, May 2nd: From 6pm to 9pm BLAME IT ON MIDNIGHT (In the Courtyard, 777 E. Tahquitz Canyon, Palm Springs 92262-6798) Cabaret performance by IRENE SODERBERG and MOMMA. With porn star MATT SUMMERS. Benefiting Palm Springs' AIDS Assistance Program

Friday, May 2nd: 10pm 'til 1am The Official Kick Off Party with ZAK SPEARS and  ADDISON SCOTT at the BARRACKS (67-625 E. Palm Canyon Dr., Cathedral City, CA 92234) Benefiting San Francisco's SOMA Bare Chest Calendar Appearances by International Leather Sir 2002 DALE BREUNIG and Mr. Palm Springs Leather 2003 DON MENTINK with JASON BRANCH and TOM SOUTHERN with newcomers (and BCC models) JOHN TRUITT and RAY STONE. Special showing of Falcon's AFTERSHOCK Suggested Door Donation: $5. Cash Bar. http://www.thebarracksbar.com

Saturday, May 3rd: 11:30am BILLY MASTERS hosts BILLY'S BAD BOYS BRUNCH" at the VILLAS (67-670 Carey Road, Cathedral City, CA 92234)  Make your reservations for brunch by calling: 760 328 7211. http://www.thevilla.com

Saturday, May 3rd: 1pm to 6pm The Main Event: WILL CLARK'S THIRD ANNUAL BAD BOYS POOL PARTY - PALM SPRINGS EDITION: A BENEFIT FOR L.A. SHANTI. http://www.lashanti.org. At the CREE ESTATE 67698 Carey Rd. Cathedral City, CA 92234 A complete listing of stars, sponsors, host hotels, etc can be found at http://www.badboyspoolparty.com

Saturday, May 3rd: From 6pm til "whenever" ...SF Empress SNATCH hosts the first After Party at SIDEWINDERS 67-555 E. Palm Canyon Drive, Suite F-124, Cathedral City, CA 92234. Palm Springs premiere of Blue Blake's COWBOY (2003 Big Blue Productions)  http://www.sidewindersbar.com

Saturday, May 3rd: From 11:30pm Join WILL CLARK hosts the second After Party at HEAVEN (formerly Headhunters) in the Sun Center at 611 S. Palm Canyon Dr. (Palm Springs, CA 92264) for a special night celebrating the weekend's fundraising events at the Official After Party!  http://www.huntersnightclubs.com

Sunday, May 4th: 1pm 'til "whenever" Raging Stallion exclusive MICHAEL BRANDON's "Inappropriate Behavior" party at the CITADEL (1491 South Via Soledad, Palm Springs, CA 92264) Featuring TIM TYLER and RIK JAMMER. Bar proceeds benefit a local Palm Springs organization to be announced at the event. http:/www.gayresort.com

and here is Saturday's current timeline:

SATURDAY MAY 3RD, 2003

9:00 am
Will Clark and first wave of volunteers to be at venue

10:00 am
Kevin and Dino arrive to set up boxes

10:30am
Sound arrives

11:00am
DJ arrives
Photographer arrives

11:15am
Singers arrive

11:30am
Sound check for singers
Porn Stars arrive
Billy Masters at the Villas hosting brunch

11:45am
Group shots of porn stars

12noon
Dancers arrive
Massage guys arrive and set up
Austino puts up canopy/tent

12:15 - 12:30pm (wait for Billy Masters to return)
Will gives introduction/pep talk to Team
Shanti thanks the Team
After talk, Billy returns to the Villas to usher folks to the BBPP at 1pm

12:45pm
Porn stars to "backstage" area

1pm
Open doors
Bare chest calendar guys greeting guests (?)
Dancers/Flaggers performing
David Sprigle, Massage, Tarot all in place

1:30pm
Momma and Billy welcome guests
Tom Southern, Robert Black and Bryce Pierce welcome us all to Palm Springs
Momma and Billy introduce the Sisters
Sisters give brief invocation on concrete dias and introduction of porn stars
Porn stars hand out beads to guests

1:45pm
Kevin and Dino's big flagging number
Food is put out (should be out by the time the introductions are over)

2pm
Legend stars sign pictures
New stars pose for pictures for David Sprigle/bartending

3pm
Singers perform

3:35pm
Muscle Beach guys get in place

3:45pm
Singers finished
Muscle Beach begins
Bryce Pierce (3:45 - 4:05)
Eric Evans (3:45 - 4:05)
Jake Gianelli (4:00 - 4:20)
Caesar (4:10 - 4:30)
Chris Steele (4:10 - 4:30)
New stars sign pictures
Legends not doing muscle beach pose for pictures with David Sprigle

4pm
Will throws out stuff to crowd - Jocks T shirts, Matt Zarley CDs and...?

4:30pm
Silent Auction ends
Muscle Beach ends
Last announcement of day made
Announce Sidewinders & Heaven events as well as Michael Bs party
Announces other BBPP events coming up later in the year (Stonewall, San Francisco)

5:30pm
Snatch leaves for Sidewinders

6pm
Party closes
Sidewinders Event begins (this is not a required event other than for Snatch).
Clean Up
Return boxes to Sidewinders

7:30pm
Hopefully leave venue

11:30pm
Team arrives at Heaven (this is not a required event)

12:30am
Will introduces porn stars who are "in the house"

Ricki Lake Show

The Billy Brandt appearance on Ricki Lake yesterday was a joke. Typical of this type of show, the premise was lame, the guests were fake, and the producers tried to stir up a controversy that wasn't there. Then do it all over again the next day with new guests on a new topic.

This type of show has only about a dozen basic themes that they have to recycle 5 times a week. Despite it all, Ricki is still charming, attentive and professional. But how does she sleep at night?

Finally, the trash daytime talk show era is about to end. Jerry Springer, Jenny Jones and Ricki Lake have all announced this is their last season.

The only talk show worth watching is Sister Roma's Weekly Report. This week's guest is Jacob Scott.

Mainstream Links

Got a million things to do today, but I wanted to share a few tidbits.

Last night on HBO's Six Feet Under the gay couple (David and Keith) were at Video West, the popular video store in West Hollywood looking for porn videos. David suggests one, but Keith says, "I don't like him, he's too veiney. Let's stick with Matt Summers." They walk to the counter with Chi Chi LaRue's "Oral Exams" and David runs into Father Jack, the Episcopal priest from his church. (In an earlier episode, Father Jack denied being gay, despite all the obvious signs.) While Father Jack was renting "Sister Act", the clerk loudly proclaimed, "You still haven't returned 'Back To The Crack: Butt Munch 2". David and Keith chuckled to themselves.

A year or two ago, it was inconceivable to have gay porn titles mentioned in mainstream media. Now the studios are in serious negoitation for product placement in shows like Six Feet Under and Queer As Folk. Hollywood Sales' "Hung Jury: Twelve Horny Men" has been mentioned on QAF (when Emmett threw out all his porn to become born-again). Falcon products have been mentioned, too, but I forgot specific titles.

Also, today's episode of Ricki Lake is "Bisexuals Exposed" featuring
Billy Brandt, Michael Lucas and Chad Hunt. I'm taping it, I'll let you know about it tommorrow.

International Male

It's a good day when the mailman brings checks AND porn!

Today I received the anxiously awaited Summer issue of the International Male catalogue's spin-off magazine Undergear. (excuse me while I dissappear for 20 minutes...) This is one issue of the year that is all underwear and bathing suits, the equivalent of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue for straighties.

I first discovered International Male around 1978. Where? Where else, laying on some queen's coffee table. For 25 years they've sold the clothes that everone loves to hate. It wasn't like they were hip once and then went downhill. Their clothes have always been a joke. Show an IM catalogue to any gay man and the inevitable reaction is, "Who BUYS this stuff?"

I admit, though, that when the big IM half-off warehouse sales blow into town twice a year, I always try to make it. They're always a crap shoot, though. Many, many times I've come home with crap that I've afterward said, "What was I thinking?"

My friend and I once dared each other to buy the dreaded "puffy pirate shirt" that showed up years later on an episode of Seinfeld.

I've been receiving the catalogue in the mail for many many years, and I don't even know how I got on the mailing list. And after all the moves I've made, they always seem to track me down, even though I've never purchased anything through the catalogue. I keep every issue, because to me, it's some of my favorite porn. My big turn-ons are faces, chests and abs so I don't even notice if they have clothes or not.

The guy on the right is one of my favorites right now because he's taken so many growth hormones that his head is now too small for his body.

If you've got an inferiority complex after seeing these perfect specimens, IM does offer hope to us mere mortals with "trouble spots".

I'm sure it's not the first, nor the last time IM has hired porn stars to model, but this past year they've used Brett Mycles a lot. (If you've been living under a rock, Brett Mycles was a Jet Set superstar a year or two ago.) Check him out in Jackhammer or College Jocks 2.

And don't even get me started on the never-ending debate about chest hair on International Male models. Sometimes they do allow a little fur (only if it's close-cropped) but this issue looks like they've gone back to shaving. And only a few shots even show wisps of 2-day beard that's totally trendy now. What are your thoughts?

George W. Bush's Resume

If you've got time to read blogs, you're probably unemployed and sending out resumes. When George W. beomes unemployed in 2004, let's see how far he gets with this stunning resume ... [more]

George W. Bush Resume
Past work experience:

  Ran for congress and lost.
  Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
  Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
  Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using tax-payer money.
  Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs.
  With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments-

Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most
polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most
smog ridden city in America.
Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.
Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with
the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as president--

  Attacked and took over two countries.
  Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
  Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
  Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
  Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
  First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
  First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
  First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation
by any president in US history.
  After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over
the worst security failure in US history.
  Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other
president in US history.
  In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
  Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans
than any president in US history.
  Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
  Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any
president in US history.
  Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any
president since the advent of television.
  Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than
any president in US history.
  Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to
intervene when corruption was revealed.
  Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to
use the national reserves as past presidents have.
  Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
  Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
take to the streets to protest me (15million ), shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of mankind.
(http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
  Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
  My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.
  Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.
(the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).
  First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
  Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in
any country in the history of the world.
  First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
  Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
  Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases,
more than any president in US history.
  First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US
from the human rights commission.
  First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US
from the elections monitoring board.
  Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional
oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
  Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
  Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
  Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by
default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
  First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors
(during the 2002 US elections).
  All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
  My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
  Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
  First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation
against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
  First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied
saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
  First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
  Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than
a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the
biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
  With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine
relations in at least 30 years.
  Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
  First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more
threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
  Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
  Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law
by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
  Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
  Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of
our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have
no leads and zero suspects.
  In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully
prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the
history of the United States.
  Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other
president in US history.
  In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades,
possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
  Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less
than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References:

  At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving
record has been erased and is not available)
  AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.
  Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
  All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away
to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy  and un-available for public view.
  All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
  All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the
board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
  Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.
  For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker
(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

Blog Links

The site is starting to get noticed. I got some links back and some comments.

Toddski linked back to me. Thanks, sweety! He said the only reason he did it was because I was so brazen about asking for it.

Another guy commented : "I can understand your urgency to get up to speed fast, but really darling, you're going to have to earn your way. Nice try though." I replied to him that unlike Blanche Dubois, I've never relied on the kindness of strangers. I always have to work hard to get what I want. (Unfortunately he left a phony email address...)

Another guy asked for my photo and thanked me afterward, "...I hate not knowing who is the man behind the curtain! Now I can sleep again!"

But another guy commented: "I think you'd get more traffic if you *DID NOT* post photos of yourself. You look like a pervy grampa." (Another one without the balls to leave a valid email address.) What can I say, I'm over 40 and even when I was younger, I was not porn star material.

So shoot me.

I'm getting mixed messages. Work hard to promote - don't be so pushy. Show your face - put a bag over it. I'm kinda over a barrel (of hay).

And in other news...

What are they teaching kids today?

Blog Links

I heard that in order to be a famous blogger, you need to get linked on other blog sites and return the favor.

In my search for gay bloggers, Jonno seems to be the common denominator on every link list. His and his better half were the first blog sites I frequented, so they are my role models. Jonno's latest project, the Penis Blog is where I am beginning my outreach campaign. It's a good place to start - the penises have some really cute faces attached to them!

Here is the first round of blog links I've added:

Sturtle
Jonno
BJ
Eros Blog
Young Bradford
Bent Kid
Biologic Show
Bradlands
Clumsy Twirler
Toddski
Peg-Anne Holiday
contrasts.net
Great Gadfly
Homotextual

So far, only two have linked back to me. Let's pick up the pace girls, I need to me famous and I'm not getting any younger!

Steven Scarborough Interview

The NakedSword Weekly Report interviews Steven Scarborough, founder of Hot House Studios and former Vice President of Falcon Studios.

Hot House just released their latest movie, Resurrection - on Good Friday, no less! Watch the free trailer.

I know you've seen enough goddamn pictures of Easter, but someone finally send one of me. Someone commented on an earlier post "who the hell are you?" I'm the one in the blue John Travolta suit. Happy PolyEaster!

Easter Week

It was quite a weekend! I got up at 4:30 am. I was so excited to about the weekend, I couldn't sleep. (Selma said the same thing!) I started off Good Friday picking up Sister Lily and Sister Edith and drove up to Guerneville to attend the Russian River Sister's 2nd Anniversary. We arrived around noon, and since it was too chilly to hang by the pool, we decided to take a drive out to the ocean. We a lovely day just joy-driving up and down the beautiful coast in Sonoma County.

The RR girls put on a nice show and distributed grant money to the local charities. We stayed a guest house owned by Greg and Ed, the owners of Club Fab, and partied till 3.

We got back Saturday afternoon and I was exhausted from no sleep, so I just chilled in front of the idiot box for a few hours. I finally got re-motivated, and I had two great choices of parties to attend. Stopped off at Mitcho's first, but it was much too early.

I headed out to Bunny Bunny Jam Jam. It was in a gentrified old firehouse in a kind of unknown residential area of San Francisco. Whoever the wackos were that threw the party, I am in awe of their talent! Every inch of the place was decorated in bunny theme. To enter the party, you had to crawl on hands and knees through a bunny hole.

Got home very late again and started all over the next day for the Sisters Easter party in Dolores Park: "Indulgence 420: Let There Be Splendor In The Grass!"

We had Sisters from Seattle, LA, and Guerneville. Polkacide played and rocked the house (my soul mucsic!) I could go on and on about how fabulous it was.

But you can also check out Ggreg Taylor's site, he always adds some funny commentary to the photos. I'm still too burned out from the weekend to be cleaver.

Brad Pitt's Butt

Hello, Virgin Atlantic? I need to book a flight to London IMMEDIATELY!

From SF Chronicle's Daily Dish:

"BUM RUSH FOR BRAD PITT
A new exhibit of Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt is to go on show at London waxwork museum Madame Tussaud's -- which will allow fans to squeeze his bum.... [more]

BUM RUSH FOR BRAD PITT
A new exhibit of Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt is to go on show at London waxwork museum Madame Tussaud's -- which will allow fans to squeeze his bum.

The new likeness of the "Ocean's Eleven" star features a squidgy backside, sure to provide his many female fans with a thrill.

Spokesperson Fiona Harvey says, "Brad Pitt is one of our sexiest exhibits anyway, so he is an ideal candidate for the first ever squeezable waxwork.

"He is a huge hit with the ladies and, after Kylie Minogue's bottom got so much attention, we thought we'd have a bit of fun with this new figure."

When the original model of the actor was revealed four years ago, staff had to continually remove lipstick marks and knickers stuffed into its pockets.

Harvey adds, "I think he is quite amused by the idea. We have been in touch with Brad's agent but he seems to be waiting to see how many squeezes he gets before he says anything."

The innovative rear is formed from a mix of silicon and foam to give it a pliable feel. "

Chi Chi LaRue's 2nd Gear

It's a good day if I receive a check in the mail AND porn. Yesterday I got both.

Last night I watched "2nd Gear" directed by Chi Chi LaRue, the sequel to last year's "In Gear" starring former San Francisco resident, Lance Gear. The movie is up for 9 awards at the GayVn's, including Best Actor, Best Director and Best All Sex Video.

My hottie-of-the-day is bald-headed Brad McGuire, who has apparently done a lot of movies. (Where have I been?) Check him out in Gloryholes of Chicago from Oh Man!, Jeff Styker's Hard Time, and Sports-N-Rec's Open Trench 1.

Funny Links

Here's a couple interesting links to chew on.

Are your workouts boring? Do you need motivation? Hire a
dominatrix to lead your aerobics class. At Slavercise, you kiss your Mistress's feet between push-ups.

And just in time for Easter, you could kill some time (or "crucify" some time) playing Jesus dress-up.

Marcus Iron and Lex Kyler

You can watch Marcus Iron and Lex Kyler in a movie called Glory Holes of San Francisco from Oh Man! Studios, but the hosts of the interview were obviously too concerned about their own outfits to do any research on the guys they were to interview ...

Ryan Idol Returns - AGAIN!

As reported on Mark Adams column, vidioview.com:

"Never say never � a couple of weeks ago, it looked like Ryan Idol had given up his porn career for good. Now, David Forest, in one of my more amusing calls of the weekend, tells me that �Ryan�found God; God told him he could continue his career.��I don�t make this stuff up."�

"Forest adds,��He now feels that it is his mission to finish what he started in the adult entertainment industry.��His first new project will be an XXX Pool Service called Ryan Idol�s PP Boyz. �What does it mean?�Beats me, but I�m sure we�ll find out soon enough � the elusive Ryan is scheduled to appear at Mickey�s in WeHo on June 19th and will unveil details about the project, and talk with host Jason Sechrest about his plans for the remainder of 2003.�I will have to be a fly on the wall for this one. Guess we�ll find his pics back on www.ForestMen.com shortly."

Here's a link to Idol In The Sky, probably his best movie.

MONDAY MOANIN'

I took the weekend off (sort of), but when you run your own home-based business, it's really hard to separate business hours from personal hours. But now that I'm back, Monday morning's emails were full of porn gossip!

The best dish was reported both at Filth2go.com and Will Clark's column. Jeff Griggs,�the actor from Days of Our Lives who previously did gay porn as Tony Sinatra (n�e Erickson) is� now he�s spending his days painting.� The picture to the left is him giving George W. Bush a painting that he did of the president entitled "The Eyes of a Nation". Click here to see shots of Griggs/Sinatra/Ericson in his glory days. Does George know where that hand has been? www.GriggsGallery.com

The countdown is on for the next Bad Boys Pool Party in Palm Springs, coming up May 3. (Note to self: 30 minutes of cardio EVERY day!) The porn stars planning to attend have interviews posted on the websites of various sponsors. Two of my favorite porn stars have their interviews on NakedSword, Matt Sizemore and Eric Evans. Read Will Clark's full column here every week.

I met Matt Sizemore at Joey and Carlo's Pool Party last Fall and I really liked him. He seems like a really bright guy with a sense of humor, and totally sexy up close. I met him again in Vegas this past January where I got to interview him with his boyfriend Danny Lopez, but unfortunately, that interview never aired. Those two are totally hot together - I'd love to be the bologna in that sandwich!

Eric Evans is one of my all time favorites. I could get lost in that big, furry chest! He was in two movies I directed (Laid For Work and Online connections) and even spent the night at my house before one of the shoots. But before you ask, NO, I did NOT jump his bones the night he stayed over. I wanted to make sure he could perform in his scene the next day. I have this damned "professionalism" that always seems to get in the way, you know.

SADDAM'S LOVE SHACK

(04-12) 11:39 PDT BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) --

The doors of the town house opened to reveal a playboy's fantasy straight from the 1960s: mirrored bedroom, lamps shaped like women, air-brushed paintings of a topless blonde woman and a mustached hero battling a crocodile.

On the wall and in the bedroom were photos of Saddam Hussein and one of his mistresses. Military officials suspect they found one of the paranoid Iraqi leader's many safe houses.

"This must have been Saddam's love shack," said Sgt. Spencer Willardson of Logan, Utah.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Safe house or bachelor pad? Troops discover home of one of Saddam's hideaways

CHRIS TOMLINSON, Associated Press Writer Saturday, April 12, 2003
------------------------------------------------------------------------

(04-12) 11:39 PDT BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) --

The doors of the town house opened to reveal a playboy's fantasy straight from the 1960s: mirrored bedroom, lamps shaped like women, air-brushed paintings of a topless blonde woman and a mustached hero battling a crocodile.

On the wall and in the bedroom were photos of Saddam Hussein and one of his mistresses. Military officials suspect they found one of the paranoid Iraqi leader's many safe houses.

"This must have been Saddam's love shack," said Sgt. Spencer Willardson of Logan, Utah.

The split-level, one-bedroom town house is in a Baath Party enclave in an upscale neighborhood in central Baghdad where generals and senior party officials lived.

As U.S. officials set up command posts there, troops were going home by home, searching for looters and weapons.

Next door, where iron sheets were welded over all the windows, they found more than 6,000 Berretta pistols, 650 Sig Sauer pistols, 248 Colt Revolvers, 160 Belgian 7.65 mm pistols, 12 cases of Sterling submachine guns and four cases of anti-tank missiles all still in the unopened original boxes. There were also tens of thousands of rounds of ammunition mortars and cases of old handguns and heavy machine guns.

Not far off was another presidential palace, this one with a Yugoslav-built, chemical and biological weapons-proof bunker underneath it. A U.S. Army team inspected it and it appeared to be strictly defensive in nature.

But this home was different: beanbag chairs, a garden of plastic plants, a sunken kitchen and a room for a servant, all 1960s-style.

The sunken wet bar was stocked with 20-year old Italian red wines and expensive cognacs, brandies and Scotch whiskeys, the same brands found in several presidential palaces.

The glassware, too, was the same pattern that was found in at least three palaces also visited by U.S. troops since the regime collapsed. The pattern features the Iraqi government seal and a gold pattern on that rim.

But when it came time to eat dinner, Saddam was served his food on the official fine china of the Kuwaiti royal family, complete with the family seal and gold and maroon trim.

Capt. Chris Carter, commander of A Company, 3rd Battalion, 7th Infantry Regiment, said the home appears to be one of Saddam's safe houses. The photos in the living room, bedroom and on the wall are of Saddam and Parisoula Lampsos, who publicly claimed to be his mistress. She escaped to Lebanon in 2002.

Lampsos was interviewed extensively about her relationship with Saddam on U.S. television. Her current location is unknown and she was last believed to be in hiding.

The photos show Saddam and Lampsos smiling at each other and standing beside one another -- in one Saddam wears a uniform and in another a suit.

On one wall was a 16-by-20 inch plaque of the Iraqi eagle and flag seal.

Upstairs was a television room with bright blue, pink and yellow throw pillows. The bathroom included a whirlpool bath. The kingsize bed was fitted into an alcove with mirrors on two sides and a fantasy painting on the third.

The closets and drawers were empty except for a man's night shirt, two pairs of boxer shorts, two T-shirts and a bath robe -- each item individually wrapped in plastic, just as similar items had been in the palaces.

One of the air-brushed paintings depicted a topless blonde woman, with a green demon behind her, pointing a finger at a mythic hero. From the tip of her finger came a giant serpent, which had wrapped itself around the warrior.

Another showed a buxom woman chained to a barren desert mountain ledge, with a huge dragon diving down to kill her with sharpened talons.

The home's 1960s look -- parodied in the series of "Austin Powers" spy spoofs -- inspired a round of imitations from soldiers slogging door to door.

"Yeah, baaabeee," said Carter, doing his best imitation of actor Mike Meyers' character.

"Shagadelic," another soldier shouted.

Indeed, the carpet was navy blue shag.

GRABBY NOMINATIONS

~ The 2003 Grabby Awards Nominations ~

Gay Chicago Magazine will honor the Top Gay XXX Videos of 2002 at their annual "Grabby Awards" on Saturday, May 24 at Circuit nightclub in Chicago (3641 N. Halsted Street). The event is open to the public.

For tickets, call: (773) 327-7747 ext. 101 or 111

Best Gay Video:

The Apprentice 2: Dark Heart (Delta Video)
Deep South: The Big, and the Easy (Falcon Studios)
The Dirty Director (Raging Stalion Studios)
Fire Island 4 (Lucas Entertainment)
Gorge (Titan Media)

Best All-Sex Video:

2nd Gear (Rascal Video)
Closed Set: The New Crew (MSR Video)
Dreamers (Sarava Productions)
SeXus (Raging Stallion Studios)
Slammer (Titan Media)

Best Comedy Video

Boy Band (Catalina Video)
Bucketful O' Chicken (All Worlds Video)
Lost on Sex Island (Pacific Sun Entertainment)
Porn Academy (All Worlds Video)
White Trash (MSR Video)

Best Director:

John Rutherford & Chi Chi LaRue, Deep South: The Big, and the Easy (Falcon Studios)
Michael Lucas, Fire Island Cruising 3 & 4 (Lucas Entertainment)
John Travis, Spanish Uprising (Studio 2000)
Bruce Cam, Gorge (Titan Media)
Toni Alizzi, White Trash (MSR Video)

Best Screenplay:

Jordan Young, Deep South: The Big, and the Easy (Falcon Studios)
Michael Lucas, Fire Island 3 & 4 (Lucas Entertainment)
Chris Steele, 2nd Gear (Rascal Video)
Gino Cobert, Motel Sex (Gino Pictures)
Rick Tugger, White Trash (MSR Video)

Best Actor:

Joe Landon, The Apprentice 2 (Delta Video)
Lance Gear, 2nd Gear (Rascal Video)
Caesar, Cowboy, (Big Blue Productions)
Josh Weston, Deep South: The Big, and the Easy (Falcon Studios)
Michael Soldier, The Dirty Director (Raging Stallion)

Best Supporting Actor:

Jack Ryan, Deep South: The Big, and the Easy (Falcon Studios)
Michael Brandon, The Dirty Director (Raging Stallion Studios)
Chad Hunt, Oral Exams (Rascal Video)
Trent Cougar, White Trash (MSR Video)
Rod Barry, White Trash (MSR Video)

Best Newcomer:

Trent Atkins
Rafael Carreras
Mark Dalton
Sky Donovan
Rhett O'Hara
Josh Harting
Anthony Holloway
Matt Summers
Josh Weston
Bret Wolfe

Best Performer:

Michael Brandon
D.C. Chandler
Colton Ford
Jason Hawke
Chad Hunt
Jeremy Jordan
Carlos Morales
Matthew Rush
Dred Scott
Chris Steele

Best Solo Performance:

Chip Nicolas, First Crush (Fresh Cut/MSR)
Scott Gunz, Hard as Rock (Big Blue Productions)
Drew Peters, Lost on Sex Island (Pacific Sun Entertainment)
Sean Storm, Open Trench (Sports & Recreation Video)
Mark Dalton, Pick Tease (Pacific Sun Entertainment)

Best Duo Sex Scene:

Lance Gear & Jack Ryan, 2nd Gear (Rascal Video)
Cameron Sage & Anthony Holloway, Apprentice 2 (Delta Video)
Michael Soldier & Chris Steele, Cops Gone Bad (Raging Stallion Studios)
Matthew Rush & Josh Weston, Deep South: Part 2 (Falcon Studios)
Rod Barry & Bret Wolfe, White Trash (MSR Video)

Best Three-way Sex Scene:

Steve Cannon, Lance Gear & Nick Piston, 2nd Gear (Rascal Video/ Channel 1)
Trent Atkins, Joe Landon & Danny Rhymes, Apprenmtic Dark Heart, (Delta Video)
Jeremy Jordan, Jack Ryan & Josh Weston, Deep South (Falcon Studios)
Lindon Hawke, Daniel Montes & Brady Martin, Ready For More (Jocks Studios)
Rod Barry, Trent Cougar & Luke Pearson, White Trash (MSR Video)

Best Group Sex Scene:

Lance Gear, Chad Hunt, Peter Raeg, Adam Wolfe, Jerek, Rob Anthony & Danny Vox. (Final orgy), 2nd Gear (Rascal Video)
Chad Hunt, Jimmy McGuire, Christian Taylor, Brian McClaine, Josh Harting & Daniel Sinclair, (The barn orgy), Deception � Part 1 (Jocks Studios)
Jeremy Jordan, Chad Hunt, Adam Wolfe, Derek Cameron, Sebastian Cole, Jason Tyler & Clay Maverick, Deep South (Part 1) (Falcon Studios)
Julian Armanis, Filip Olivier, Patrick Zsolt, Adam Cartier, Chris Cameron, Dano Sulik, Ken Russel . . . (The 20-something swimming pool orgy), Frisky Summer 4 (Bel Ami Video)
Diego Alvarez, Michael Brandon, Brad McGuire & Carlos Morales, Prowl 3: Genuine Leather (MSR Video)

Best Non-Sex Performance:

Sharon Kane, Boy Band (Ron Jeremy, Porn Academy (All Worlds Video)
David Forest, Brad's Buddies (Forest Films)
Chi Chi LaRue, Porn Academy (All Worlds Video)
Ron Jeremy, Porn Academy (All Worlds Video)
Rowdy Carson, White Trash (MSR Video)

Best International Video:

Fresh Flesh, (All Worlds International/Cazzo Video)
Frisky Summer 4, (Bel Ami Video & Photos)
Spanish Uprising, (Studio 2000 International)
Hot Type, (High Octane)
L 'Elisir D'Amour, (Lucas Kazan Productions)

Best Leather/Fetish Video:

Bearing Leather (All Worlds Video)
Open Trench 2: Fuck Fantisies (Sports & Recreation)
Hand Packed (Hot House Video)
Stick It In (Monster Bang/Raging Stallion Studios)
Prowl 3: Genuine Leather (MSR Video)

Best Videography:

Hue Wilde, 2nd Gear (Rascal Video/Channel 1 Releasing)
Max Phillips & Todd Montgomery, Deep South (Falcon Studios)
Kristen Bjorn, Dreamers (Sarava Productions)
Bruce Cam, Gorge (Titan Media)
Leonardo Rossi, L'Elisir d'Amore (Lucas Kazan Productions)

Best Art Direction:

Deep South: The Big and the Easy, (Falcon Studios)
A Beautiful Behind, (All Worlds Video)
Slammer, (Titan Media)
Spanish Uprising, (Studio 2000)
White Trash, (MSR Video)

Best Gay DVD Extras:

An American in Prague, The Prague Tour (Bel Ami)
The Back Row, Director's Comentaries (Rascal Video)
The Dirty Director, (Raging Stallion Studios)
Gorge, (Titan Media)
No Way Out, (Falcon Studios)

Best Classic Gay DVD:

Big Guns, (Catalina Video)
Desert Train, (Titan Media)
Powertool, (Catalina Video)
Sailor in the Wild, (Catalina Video)
Scorcher, (Huge Video/Falcon Studios DVD)

A TAD OVERDONE?

A friend has begun a new career as a music and theater reviewer for a local gay rag. Over the last couple months I've been his date/driver to numerous local theater productions, mostly at ACT, New Conservatory, Rhino and Berkeley Rep. I suggested to him that he ought to start pursueing the bigger legit theaters, too (I really want to see The Producers if it's still in town). I also suggested Teatro Zinzanni because it's a show AND dinner. (Free food is free food.) I'd heard Alan Cumming was going to perform there so I suggested that would be the show to see.

The budding scribe, bless her heart, got right on the phone and found out Alan Cumming (the original MC from the revival of Cabaret at Studio 54) was just doing a one-time benefit show for New Leaf. However, he got word that Joan Baez was coming back as headliner in May. He convinced them that in order to give Joan a "proper" review he would need to see a sample of the show first. That means we get TWO free meals.

So last night, for our "research" visit we got to see the show starring our own local Mexican-American Elvis impersonator, El Vez. He is the King! He's cute, funny, talented, unique, great costumes, fabulous hairdo, and did I mention cute?

So what is Teatro Zinzanni? - dinner theater meets Circe Du Solei meets Beach Blanket Babylon meets Moulin Rouge, and as someone said, just a few steps above Chicken John. Non-stop mayhem throughout the entire meal and breathtaking performances mixed with audience participation.

My poor date had her worst nightmare realized, but it's her own bad Karma for including "forced audience participation" in most of her own performances. The juggler needed a head to ricochet a ping pong ball that he spits out then catches on his nose (you had to be there...) Since I was wearing a hat, my compadre's bald head was just too inviting for them to pass up. She was mortified, but suffered thru the torture just to get it over.

San Francisco boy, Michael Davis started as a juggler with Pickle Family Circus then went on to fame as a semi-regular in the early days of Saturday Night Live. As one of the headliners, he played a character "The Chef", named Tad Overdone (I plan to give that to someone as a porn name.) He was the culprit that preyed on poor journalist-in-training. Performers are all required to schmooze with the patrons, so he later came to our table obstensibly to make small talk, but all the while he was setting up a little magic trick to pull a menu out from under the place settings. Just like in cartoons!

In a truely Herb Caen moment, I spotted none other than Alan Cumming sitting at a table as a guest. I thought he might be a plant, but was just on a date to see the show. Despite Cummings numerous interviews where he stressed his bisexuality, from my vantage point, this expert believes firmly that he probably swings must farther to the gay side.

Reasons:
-Cumming's date was an attractive guy around Alan's age that showed no "bisexual" leanings himself. (Exhibit A)
-During another forced audience participation (F.A.P.) segment, everyone was asked to dance with a partner to a slow song. Those two jumped right up and danced the tummy-touch with no pause. (Exhibit B)
-During yet another F.A.P., everyone asked to kiss. Well honey, those two had that "look" in their eyes and locked lips longer than most. (Exhibit C)
-I rest my case.

And to add to the Herb Caenism, poor Alan got roped into the nastiest F.A.P. demonstration involving juggling Wonder Bread, a pound of butter and a raw chicken. Thank god there was a celebrity in the audience to do the dirty work for us.

SOUTH PARK ON THE MARK

Once again, last night's new episode of South Park hit the nail on the head. Half the town was pro-war and half the town was against the war, so Cartman went back in time to 1776 to see what the founding fathers would say about the war in Iraq.

It's hard to explain out of context, but fourth grade slacker Cartman made the astounding discovery that the country was purposely created to "say one thing and do another". Like I said, it's hard to explain out of context but the creators of South Park made a brilliant statement and actually got an animated show on the air about a war that was only 22 days old. (P.S. The show has been renewed with options to go through 2006!)

Here's a tasteful link to the annual Montana Testicle Festival. Each year they deep fry bull testicles (otherwise known as Rocky Mountain Oysters) as an excuse for cowboys to drink, show there balls and look at saggy boobs on fat broads. I told you it was tasteful, but here's one hot cowboy showing his hangtown fries.

But enough about cartoons and cowpokes, let's talk porn.

Last night I watched Raging Stallions's double DVD set of "The Dirty Director". It's up for five awards at the GayVN's including Chris Ward as Best Director and Micheal Soldier as Best Actor.

The movie is best described as "reality porn". Though they are acting, they are talking about being in a porn video production, which they are, even though it's still fictional. Did I lose you again?

I also watched L'Elisir D'Amore from Lucas Kazan Productions. He's been making beautiful porn videos in Europe for quite a long time. This one was shot in an old resort town in Italy utiltizing a lot of old stone buildings, gorgeous beaches and sunsets as backdrops. There is something about shooting in locations with old European cobblestone streets that gives an air of sophistication and romance to to any production whether it's porn or a Doris Day movie.

Oh, and how are the men in the movie? Mama Mia, they sure grow 'em big and healthy!

This one is up for 8 GayVN awards.

Billy's Tale: A Modern Day Fable (Falcon Studios)

A new movie just got added to NakedSword called "Billy's Tale: A Modern Day Fable" from Falcon Studios, and I'm proud to say that I'm in it!

The movie was shot sometime in the early 90's when I had a friend named Miss P working at Falcon as a production assistant. I brought Miss P to party at a friend's gorgeous designer house on Potrero Hill. Miss P convinced Randy to let them use the house for a Falcon shoot (so he could earn a little finder's fee).

"Billy's Tale" is a Cinderella story about a sullen, trod-upon little twink and his evil (yet incredibly hunky) step brothers. The brothers abuse the boy emotionally and physically by repeatedly plowing Billy's "Tail". Billy gets his revenge when he meets his Prince Charming.

They used the house for just an outdoor party scene and some still photography inside. Since I was also instrumental in getting the location, they called me to be an "extra" for the party scene. If you look closely about a third of the way into the movie, you'll see the side of my head in the background standing around drinking wine and wearing suspenders.

Look Ma, I'm in a Falcon movie!

Since there was no sex scenes shot there, I didn't get to see much. I recall the gossip of the day was that the original Prince Charming was a no-show, so they had to scramble for a replacement. Prince Charming 2 showed up looking like a lumberjack, but an hour later the hair and makeup department had done their magic. Fans of chest hair would have been absolutely shocked at the transformation after he got all his fur removed!

By the way, a ton of new Falcon movies just got added to NakedSword this week. If you've been waiting to join, now's the time to do it!

H&R COCK BLOCK

Wednesday, April 9, 2003

Just got back from having my taxes prepared and I'm a little disappointed that I'm not getting as much back as I hoped, but at least I'm getting something. I got stuck with this old lady that didn't really know what she was doing. She was not much help at all - other than copying most everything from last year's return, I did most of the work. I could have grabbed the keyboard from her and at least gotten done faster.

So what does the "H&R" in H&R Block stand for?

Hogtied & Reemed?
Hassled & Rejected?
Horsehung & Rimjob?
Ho's & Retards? (It WAS at a branch in Oakland...)

Enough about icky taxes, this is the FIRST actual daily entry in Gay Porn Blog! I started taking notes the past couple weeks and just loaded them in all at once, but from now on, you'll be getting my incoherant ramblings posted quickly and on the spot.

Come back often! I've got lots of fun events coming up on my calendar, and I've been lax about watching this stack of videos I need to review for the GayVN's. My plan is to watch a couple movies every night, then post a quicky review on the blog which will eventually end up as a full-blown review.

More later.

CEDAR BLUES

Monday, April 7, 2003

My poor friend Cedar has been on my mind a lot this week. He’s been stuck living in a trailer way up north all by himself for 3 months and he’s going out of his mind. His health now starting to suffer, too. I’m really worried about him. I almost drove up there today to check him out and make a decision whether to bring him down here to stay with me for a while. He got the first good news in a while that his parents are driving him up to Portland on Wednesday to find him an apartment. He took a trip up there last month and fell in love with Portland, so this is his dream come true.

After listening to all his troubles and his sense of being suddenly "stuck" in a bad situation, it got me inspired that I’ve got to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my career back on track. With that in mind, I’ve worked out my business plan and strategy for new web sites.

Oh yeah – I got my first member at Lavender Lounge! Hurray! Naturally, I had to refund him because the passwords don’t work, but I did get some bozo to sign up even with a warning on the Join page!

APRIL FOOL - WHO'S SANE?

Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Saddam was a no-show. Big build-up that he was going to appear live on Iraqi TV but one of his henchmen declared jihad for him in his place. April Fool, he got us!

The GayVN nominations have been announced. Now the real job begins.

DRIVE TIME

Monday, March 31

I vetoed a plan to shop Melrose and decided to get a quick greasy breakfast at a cheap diner down the block and head home. "Morning Becomes Eclectic" on KCRW carried me through the Grapevine and nearly blended into range of KGO, but I had Sharon McKnight’s Sophie Tucker tribute CD to segueway from from one radio market to the other. It was my fastest trip ever in less than 5 1/2 hours.

Caught up on my mail, email and LA newspapers, then settled in to watch my favorite Sunday night shows on TIVO – "Six Feet Under", "Queer As Folk" and Howard Stern’s one hour special "Jerk Off".

WORK AND PLAY IN LA

Sunday, March 30

Once again I head to world headquarters of Adult Video News in Chatsworth – ground zero of the porn battlefield. Much smaller group of contributors, but I now feel like an important voice in the decision making process. Plus, Jeremy now knows me by name, which was my whole reason for appearing – to get exposure in the industry.

I relate my experience from the night before of a porn star flirting with me and insist on changing all my votes from the previous day. (I remain discreet by not mentioning any names. That way they think it’s a bigger name star.)

Mickey Skee brings us autographed copies of his books, "Hollywood Hardcore Diaries" and "F.U.". He’s very sweet, and relates had lots of stories from backstage at the Oscars (he’s worked it for 14 years!)

We zipped through the rest of the voting and everything is a blur, but it made sense at the time. Who knows how it will pan out, but two facts always remain: a) everyone will bitch about something no matter who wins and b) it’s only porn – lighten up.

After we wrapped the meeting and I scored another box of videos, I headed to the Here Lounge (next to the Abbey) for a party thrown by Specialty Publications. Pacific Sun approached them to publish a "Swimsuit Issue" of all models from Pacific Sun. The models are absolutely stunning and all shot like fashion layouts in exotic locations.

I got to hang out with my pal Brett from Jet Set, Dustin from Spec Pub and my little buddy Michael Knight, one of the second or third string porn stars that loves to stay active with the industry. I think he’s really sexy, but since he doesn’t fit the mold of twink nor daddy, the industry doesn’t know what to do with him. (I do however!)

The bar business is weird. The Abbey, the Here Lounge, and the Mother Load sit right next to each other. It’s Sunday afternoon and there is a huge line down the block for the Here Lounge, but the other two are almost empty. If fact, they had to move the line because it was blocking the entrance to the Abbey. It’s the same crowd, the same drinks, the same location, but everybody must have gotten on their cell phones and made the Here Lounge "The" place to be that night.

I made it an early evening.

LA=PORN=LA

Saturday, March 29, 2003

Lots of cute restaurants in front of my hotel (ahem "Motel"), but none open before noon. I walk a block and a half and find a Starbucks up ahead, but there is an apartment building on an old palm tree-lined sidestreet that is so grand, I detour on foot to see it even before my coffee. Well worth the detour, but should have brought the camera. On another little detour, I notice that the Coral Sands is right around the corner.

With time to kill, I decide to play tourist and visit the Kodak Theater down the street on Hollywood. Very impressive, especially enjoyed the replica of D.W. Griffth’s "Intolerance".

So now it’s time to head to Porno Valley and take my turn at selecting nominations for gay porn video awards, better known as the GayVN’s. This is my second year judging, but the first time I attending the nomination meetings.

I received 65 movies a month ago to review, but only saw about half. As the day started, I soon realized I must have watched the wrong half. There are just too many movies out there to see them all!

Judging is always difficult this year is even more so. The bigger studios don’t like to send tapes until they’ve already been nominated. But you ask, "How do they expect to get nominated if the judges can’t see the video?" That’s an excellent question, I’m glad you asked. Well, therein lies the rub. We have to just extrapolate what might be good, and take the word of the few who’ve seen certain titles on their own time.

Saturday night, I finally hook up with Sister Chastity, Peg Anne and Porn Again. (Can’t escape porn, of any kind!) The LA Sisters are doing a blessing for Mr. LA Leather in preparation for IML in Chicago. Mr. Sister Leather is a contestant and a top contender,

The show is at the El Rey Theater in Santa Monica, a converted old deco movie palace that is now a live music venue. I wore one of the new shirts I bought the day before – black spandex – very LA. The crowd was cruisey, but nothing connected, so I just had fun with my sisters.

Two porn star sightings at the show: hairy hunk Hank Hightower and Zack Spears. Hank did a million movies in the 90’s including one I directed called Nude Housekeeping where he played the client that calls the housekeeping service that specializes in naked boys cleaning. He was also in a movie called 69 Meat Street where I was PA and the editor (another Catherine Reed fiasco!) We made two movies in two days and poor Hank had to do two scenes within a few hours of each other. Haven’t heard much from Hank lately, though.

Only caught a small glimpse of Zack Spears, but wow, is he side of beef! Leather outfits are made for guys like him, not mere mortals like the rest of us. Kids, if you don’t know Zack Spears, ask your older brother. He was a big, big star in the late 80’s and made a big comeback last year with a prison movie from Odyssey (can’t think of the title right now…)

Anyway, after the Mr. LA Leather show, we drove to Buffy’s to hang out and get stoned. I got to meet Buffy’s Latino boyfriend Victor. Took some pictures of him in Palm Springs last year, but never met him. It turns out he is in at least two of the movies I am in the process of judging! What a hottie.

I don’t know how it started, but this spitfire suddenly started making passes at me right in front of everybody. Rubbing my calf, stroking my thigh, staring me down. When he pulled off my glasses to get a better look, I was verklempt! I was so starved for attention I wanted to jump him immediately. However, Miss Manners would probably object such an indiscretion, especially in front of those evil, catty bitches. It was late, everyone was leaving and we were too much under the microscope to plan a secret rendevous. Damn, so close to scoring!

I Love LA!

Another trip to Porno Land! I always look forward to LA trips. The first day is always just like the Randy Newman song. “I love LA – we love it! Santa Monica Boulevard – we love it!”

I called all my LA friends to ask if I could stay with them – no luck. Responses such as “…out of town…”, “…house full of other guests…”, and “who are you again?” were discouraging. Oh well, I can always get a room at that 80’s retro Ramada West Hollywood. Struck out again, it was booked.

I googled for cheap hotels and found one called Hollywood Downtowner. At $50 a night and located on a section of Hollywood Boulevard unfamiliar to me, I worried it would be a flophouse for junkies and lowlifes. When I called and spoke to a ditsy woman of Indian descent, it reminded me of living beneath the Park Hotel with junkies and lowlifes. I survived 4 years there, surely I could survive 3 nights. The deciding factor would be whether or not the front desk was surrounded by bulletproof glass.

I arrived in the late afternoon to beautiful warm weather in the upper 70’s and headed for the Hollywood Downtowner. No bulletproof glass, so I decided to stay. The flashing neon and 50’s design was so fabulous I couldn’t resist. The room was functional and clean, so what the hell. I would have preferred one of the rooms with a balcony overlooking the pool, but I was lucky I got anything.

Within minutes of unpacking, I was itching to see some sites, so I high-tailed it to my favorite thrift store, Out of the Closet. Oh lucky day! They’re in the midst of expanding, having taken over the space next door, which was formerly a shop called “Gay Mart”.

Gay Mart was known for selling tight spandex shirts to circuit queens – usually in shiny metallic fabric or dayglow colors. Now that it’s a thrift store, I found two shirts for $7 each that were probably sold right there originally. Also found a pair of Abercrombie shorts for $7. (Who cares if they’re a little frayed. That’s how they’re supposed to look even when you pay $44.50!)

On the way out of the store, I run into Richard from Genre, whom I had just seen last week at Academy of Friends. We headed to the Abbey for a drink and to look at pictures from last week.

We picked up Anthony and he took us to dinner at a place called The House. (Freebie meal in exchange for ads in Genre.) On the way out I reminded them of who else opened a restaurant built out of old house – Mildred Pierce.

From there Anthony invited us to a going away party for a friend moving to Australia to produce a movie from a script he wrote. It was in a historic district high up in the Hollywood Hills at a gorgeous gothic building built around 1915 or 1920. Every window in the place was shaped like a Middle Eastern dome. The three apartments on the top floor were all open to the party so we got to look through them all. The host was moving, so the only thing still remaining in his apartment was the pyramid over his bed. Go figure.

Another apartment was totally comic book gothic reflecting the taste of the chubby queen who does animation for kid’s cartoons during the day and draws porn illustrations for In Touch magazine at night.

The third apartment was the complete opposite of the other – minimalist all white. We listened to a Burt Bacharach box set and paged through a vintage copy of After Dark.

As a parting shot our host sang a number from Pagliacci a cappella. Fabulous!

I love LA!